I = Clever

I have always thought I'm kind of clever. But I've never really been able to prove it.

Sure there are signs, such as the way that I forgot to put my name on my IQ test that they made us all spend a an afternoon taking, back in jr. high (sign of a high IQ, ironically).. and the fact... that.. I use an elipse... about every 3 words.. or so, while writing. Indicating a constant thought process (or, as my writing teacher would've suggested, a poor grasp of basic grammar rules). Or even that I've had a few people tell me, "You're clever". But I've usually discounted those, assuming they're just saying that because they think I'm sexy.

But now, by way of scientific testing, I have proven my cleverness once and for all. I... am clever.

There are roughly 300 people in my company. We occupy three (3) floors of an office building.

Assuming (fairly, I think) that we are divided equally into 100 persons per floor, and that 50% of us are male, that means that I share a restroom with about 50 other men.

And these are not your average, run-of-the-mill, rock-banging monkey men, either! Oh no! These fellas are the pick of the litter. Genuine, bonified, sandle-and-sock wearing rocket scientists. Some of these men are recognized internationally as the leading minds in math and science.. I mean.. these dudes have it going on...

But I, out of all of these, am the only one who can figure out how to flush a toilet.

I have repeatedly tested my hypothesis (that I am the only one out of 50 rocket scientists who can figure out how to flush a toilet) by going to the bathroom, over and over, for more than SIX YEARS... and finding that the person who had visited said facility immediately prior had not been able to master the flusher-lever-thingy. Further, it soon became apparent that many of these giants-in-geeks-sandals (or not), were not even really grasping what the toilet was for--necessitating, nastily, at one point, the introduction of "slip proof" floor mats in the urinal area.

Granted, these toilets in particular are a little tricky. ...you've got to hold the flusher-lever-thingy down... and I know that's throwing a curve-ball at everyone, which is unfair, given that they're in there, minds full of the mocking-genius commentary that they're going to post about the new idiot article in "Popular Science" ...which they are reading... and will return to the library when they've all through takin' care of their biznid... on their weblog...

So maybe I've got an advantage. I don't know.

But I still think it adds up to this:
"I" = "Clever".

Science doesn't lie.