a bit of a dilemma

I have a dilemma. (shortly after beginning this post, I realized I had a second dilemma--I did not know how to spell "dilemma." But that's cleared up now.)

In 1999, I moved from Nashville, TN --"Music City"... to Champaign, IL--"The Middle of Nowhere."

This in itself, surprisingly, is not the dilemma.

The dilemma (yes, I'm going to stop using it here in a second) is that part of my reason for moving to Champaign.. a large part, actually.. was that there is at least some kind of music scene here. (The rest of the state of Illinois, excepting Chicago, can make no such claim.) But.. I am not involved in it. At all.

In the last ..oh, dear Lord.. the last six years.. I have seen two bands play. Unless you count the band I was briefly in and the bands we opened for at our total of two "concerts"--in that case, it's five bands.

For the non-math majors in the crowd, that comes out to less than one band PER YEAR.

I should've known.. really. I was only kidding myself. I lived in Nashville for seven years. I went there.. "Music City".. to pursue music, specifically. I went to a prestigious university with a famous music business program. I met and rubbed elbows with the industry elite.

I turned down development deals and showcases. I saw maybe a dozen bands play--including ones that I was playing with--in seven years. That's all it took for me to get hurt, disillusioned, give up, and come home.

So really, seriously, who was I kidding?

But anyway.. enough of that.

Here I am. I'm sitting on what is really, really a decent little music scene. It has really taken off in the last couple years. And I want in.

I don't necessarily want to go charging in (oh yeah, I know we were all worried about that. I'm a charger! I charge!).. but I'm thinking that I need to start at least.. oh.. I don't know... SHOWING UP. Like.. at shows. In venues. Possibly.. with at least an open mind to the idea that I might get a wild hair and actually meet and participate with other musician-type people in some kind of music-making activities.

So the dilemma is this: How?

All the shows are late. Crazy-late. Like.. college dorm style late. With start times sometimes post-8pm. (!) And I'm not just going to go hanging out on my own late at night in campus town.

NO! Not because I'm a scaredy-cat!! .. I will flat kick the pants off the first jerk who gives me lip, and don't you doubt it! I didn't learn how to bend arms behind heads for no reason, Junior!

..but the part where I drive to places I've never been to and try to find parking makes me feel kind of funny in my tummy... : -p

And.. in addition to being too big a wuss to drive around campus... it costs money. Which, of course, I'm not scared to spend. I just don't have any.

Then there's the issue of my kids. I have 3 kids. They cannot stay home alone. Yes, they have a mother, but a.) because I like her, and b.) because she's better at driving in town than me.. I'd kinda like to take her along. (She's my hangin' out buddy. We hang out. We like it. We understand it's abnormal, this "liking to hang out with your spouse" thing. But we do. So get over it.)

So the best thing I can figure out is this: We're going to have to set aside a little money. And I'm going to have to find someone who is willing to come and either sleep overnight or at least hang out really late at my house about once a week.. or maybe once every two weeks. Let's not get all crazy just yet..

I know I'm lame. I'm a 33 year-old guy who just wants to do a little something with himself, though. And this is my thing. In the past, I have been so fortunate to be able to work and play with some brilliant, brilliant, talented, driven musicians. They have held me up, drug me along, and generally allowed me to ride their coat-tails and look good. (Apparently, I am really good at riding and lookin' pretty.) Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I don't have any skills. I can rock it out quite a bit given the opportunity. But to this point I've kind of been the Jim McMahon of my own musical career.. cavorting around behind the line in my dark shades, letting the big guys crush the competition and picking my shots. I'm not that lucky anymore. I'm playing 3rd string for Green Bay and complaining that, gee Coach, I'd really love to get in there and bust out a dazzling display of my former glory.. but this new jock strap is really chafing me something fierce..

So I'm embracing my lameness. I'm making a plan. I've stopped expecting something to just magically happen that will do for me all the things that I've had done in the past. I'm going to try and grow up a little, and just go do something.

But I've still got a bit of a dilemma. Consider this a cry for help. Or at least an open call for suggestions or assistance. Know anybody who wants to come hang out at my house occassionally? It shouldn't be that hard to run them down once they realize that I'm not going to be here while they are, and I'm probably getting broadband internet service. Also, the kids will probably be in bed by the time they get here. And I'll.. cut their hair.. or something. I can paint.. I'm good with my hands..