punchworthy

A blog whereby I motivate myself, and my readers, to punch me in the mouth.


  "Punchworthy feeds our deepest Freudian wishes!" --Entertainment

  "The consumate rocker's rocker. Charming, personable... a sucking void of inescapable inner turmoil."
  --Newsweek
  

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe: A Critical Defense

Regardless of what criticism may be leveled at the upcoming movie-version of the Chronicles, I am prepared.

I've come up with an ingenious defense strategy, which I will now share.

When every anyone suggests that anything about the movie should be.. or even *could* be.. done differently, immediately reply with this phrase:

"YOU HATE THE BABY JESUS, DON'T YOU!?!!"

Here are some examples of how this defense could be employed in real life situations...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Person 1: "I don't think we're going to let the kids watch that--it looks like it might be too scary."

Defender: "So when you say 'too scary' you mean.. 'I *HATE* THE BABY JESUS!!'.. don't you?"

or...

Person 1: "I thought there was a little too much emphasis on the battle scenes, and.."

Defender: "YOU HATE THE BABY JESUS, DON'T YOU!?!!"

Person 1: "No, really, i'm just saying that I.."

Defender: "JESUS HATER! BABY HATER! WHY DON'T YOU GO HOME TO YOUR JESUS HATER MOMMY AND CRY ABOUT IT.. JESUS.. HATER."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I can only hope that this small contribution to your apologetic arsenal will help make a more blessed and safe holiday box-office season for you and yours. And really, for all of us.

posted by caparoon @ 10:51 AM

3 Comments:

At 1:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Subtle, nuanced...I like it.

Widely applicable, too: "You don't like Mercy Me?!?! Well, that's because..." etc.

I still favor, "Well, why don't you go back to Moscow, comrade?" in these instances, but this is nice to put in the apologetic holster.

 
At 4:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is still a great idea.

Weeks later.

Brant

 
At 4:22 PM, Blogger caparoon said...

Thanks, Brant.

Really, I'm glad that this defense is still seems like a good idea now that the movie is out.

I read the Guardian review, and I strongly recommend that all of your readers send the reviewer an email with this defense as it's central theme.

And remember, strong logic like this is the reason that the CAPSLOCK key is installed on our keyboards! THE CAPSLOCK KEY EMPHASIZES THE STRONG LOGIC OF THE CRITICAL DEFENSE. (see? isn't that neat!?)

 

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