A blog whereby I motivate myself, and my readers, to punch me in the mouth.

  "Punchworthy feeds our deepest Freudian wishes!" --Entertainment

  "The consumate rocker's rocker. Charming, personable... a sucking void of inescapable inner turmoil."

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe: A Critical Defense

Regardless of what criticism may be leveled at the upcoming movie-version of the Chronicles, I am prepared.

I've come up with an ingenious defense strategy, which I will now share.

When every anyone suggests that anything about the movie should be.. or even *could* be.. done differently, immediately reply with this phrase:


Here are some examples of how this defense could be employed in real life situations...


Person 1: "I don't think we're going to let the kids watch that--it looks like it might be too scary."

Defender: "So when you say 'too scary' you mean.. 'I *HATE* THE BABY JESUS!!'.. don't you?"


Person 1: "I thought there was a little too much emphasis on the battle scenes, and.."


Person 1: "No, really, i'm just saying that I.."



I can only hope that this small contribution to your apologetic arsenal will help make a more blessed and safe holiday box-office season for you and yours. And really, for all of us.

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

flexing the musical muscle

I'm sure most of you know, I've been working on a new music project.

The point of this project is so that Mark can maybe pitch some of my songs for some kind of publishing deal. I was supposed to begin working on it a year ago January, but because of school and other stuff, I only got around to it at the end of this October.

My original thought was that I'd go from October to Christmas, and have 3 songs done.
But no dice. School went longer than I expected, and I didn't get started til almost November.
No problem, right? It'll just push out into January. That was fine, as there was no time to get together with Mark to mix until after Christmas, anyway.

Well, a few more things happened. Dan & I can't seem to get the drumming scheduled.. I accidently wrote a fourth song.. and, most importantly, I kind of stink right now. : [

"Stink!?" You say..? Yes. Stink.

I mean, I can still write a song and all, but what i've discovered, sadly, is that I let the musical muscles atrophy. I left my artistic crayons out in the sun too long, and now all I've got is a big brown puddle.

So.. if anyone is waiting or wondering.. "when is John gonna get something done, anyway?"... I'm working on it. But I've decided that it's more important to do it right than to do it fast. I'm going to re-evaluate my deadline, and come up with something that takes into account the rehabilitation of my writing and playing chops, inactive lo these many, many months.

I'm gonna get 'em in the gym.. work the heavy bag a bit. Maybe some eliptical training.. i dunno.. whatever gets the trick done.

Play write and sing day and night. Eat it, live it, and sleep it a little bit. Get back to being able to rock some face off. And *then* i'm going to be flexing the musical muscle a bit.

And yes, I know that sounds kinda bad.


Tuesday, November 22, 2005

home is where the dark kitchen is

"Home is where the heart is"
....................................hat is

Home gets associated with being the same place as a lot of "h" words are.

But I've decided that home is where you like your kitchen in the dark.

You know. It's that...
"all the lights are out except for the dim one under the oven hood... faint smell of coffe and the evening meal still lingering...
kids are in bed...

and it's time for blankets and quiet, flickering TVs and the embers of a dying fire glowing their way to ashes" ...thing.

That's how you know you've found home. It's when you like your kitchen in the dark.

Monday, November 21, 2005


I know, I know. It's been forever since I posted.

I am sure that most of you have long-since stopped bothering to check, dropping this "blog" thing into the category of "things that John got all excited about but then didn't really follow through on."

Well, I'm back, so HA!

{chirp... chirp... chirp...}

Alright, so nobody cares. But "ha", nonetheless.

Speaking of forever.. (yes, we were).. I have been thinking a lot about forever lately. About eternity.

See, the small group is reading this book, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction, about spiritual pilgrimage and discipline, and one of the things that has caught my attention is the idea that everything matters. Everything is eternal. Every moment is sacred.

Not because there's anything particularly special about the mundane. (otherwise, it would cease to be "the mundane") It's still pretty much of no consequence.

And there are still lots of moments... waiting for elevators, tying shoes, trying to get your kids not to read "The Enquirer" in line at the super-market checkout... that aren't anything very impressive, in and of themselves, either.

The psalmist said, "Unless God builds the house..." you've got a shack when you're done.

But, really, whether or not God is involved, the structure can end up looking the same, serving the same purpose, totally failing to remain standing.. whatever... right? So the house doesn't really change, physically, because of God's involvement.

It changes metaphysically. It changes on the spiritual plane of purpose. The moment changes.

Not because anything changed about the moment, physically. But because, once God is involved (though he was involved all along--so I guess once his involvement is acknowledged), and because he is ultimately working all things toward his purpose, toward his glory, toward the good of those who love him.. the moment becomes infused with purpose.

And suddenly, every moment is sacred.

It may still be stupid. But it's also sacred.

Sacred and stupid.

So there you go.

I am working on a song about this. I wrote it. And now I am trying to record it.

And it is totally failing--kind of like the post above--to capture the idea.

But whatever. I'm pretty sure that the abject failure is also sacred, so no doubt it'll all work out just fine. : ]

Friday, November 04, 2005

peaks and valleys

"Let your attributes be such that your inadequacies are easily forgiven."

I am a man of peaks and valleys.

At the peaks, I rock. Wildly exceeding the greatest imaginable expectations! In the valleys..

big. lump.

But that's how it is. It's not consistent, but I try and make it work. I have long since given up on the idea of leveling it out into a flat plain.

If I did manage to get it leveled out, it'd all be about 6 feet below sea level, anyway, and nobody wants that. I'd rather just get my feet wet occassionally.

No, my life goal is "More peaks than valleys!" To ever increase the ratio of peak to valley.

As I age, I'm sure that something like erosion will take place, and the peaks will wear down a bit and the valleys will fill in. And I hope, sometime before I die, to just be sitting calmly, about 3/4 of the way up a fairly tall-ish hill.