A blog whereby I motivate myself, and my readers, to punch me in the mouth.

  "Punchworthy feeds our deepest Freudian wishes!" --Entertainment

  "The consumate rocker's rocker. Charming, personable... a sucking void of inescapable inner turmoil."

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Movies vs. Bowling

What movies have over bowling:

It is hard to look like a fool while watching a movie.

What bowling has over movies:

Everything else.

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Tuesday, May 29, 2007

look what i can do...

With my business cards.

Camera in your computer + Internet access = Immediate worldwide access to your stupidest ideas.


Swimming inside the box

Schrodinger is alive, FYI.

Man, these Silver Dollar fish are tough! If a 3-day weekend in that tank can't kill one, they can't be killed.

The government should start a Silver Dollar Fish Recruiting program. We could send them to the Navy and have them train for the special forces.

Of course, then they would be Seals AND Silver Dollar fish, and that would probably give them some kind of complex, and then they wouldn't be able to pass their psych evals. And then we'd just be stuck with a bunch of very deadly and frustrated (and unkillable) Silver Dollar fish running around...

This idea really wasn't that good.

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Monday, May 28, 2007

Make way for Monday. Er.. Tuesday.

Tomorrow is a Tuesday. The first day back to work. But not a Monday. I know that's gonna throw me all week.

I haven't seen my fish since noon on Friday. He was looking a little sluggish and murky at the time. Therefore:

Current fish name: "Schrodinger"

Fish status: Indeterminable

Tank status: Don't know. Can't see in there.

It's been a nice long weekend. Haven't worked. Talked to Bill on the phone just a bit ago. Had a nice cookout w/ the newly-relocated Henrys. Did a little bit of garage scraping, a bit of yard stuff, fixed Tanweer's lawnmower, a little re-wiring to make Deb's can opener work (though the vent fan now does not).

I didn't get to go fishing, but I did get to play the guitar some. Turned out Tanweer wasn't really aware that was something I did, so I did some playing for him. And then Josh got me to play (thanks Josh) while they were here, so that was two nights out of three. Not bad.

Today the boys and I went foraging for camping supplies. Between the things that we needed to buy and the gas to get there, our 3-hour tour cost us about $130. That's just crazy.

One of these days, I am going to make a truly entertaining and interesting post. Y'all just keep waiting. I promise.

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Wednesday, May 23, 2007

I have gotten a haircut

I have gotten a haircut.

This is going to require me to rock a little bit harder.

Also, to use less shampoo, shave more often (so as to avoid unpleasant "George Michael" references), and possibly to lose the extra 5lbs that I've been hiding in my face.

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Saturday, May 19, 2007


I think that we're finally normalizing. This week I am feeling pretty not good about how little I've accomplished, musically. So.. that seems pretty normal.

But it's a good thing, too. Because wouldn't it be horrible if I enjoyed being a copywriter SO much that I suddenly found myself devoid of musical desires? Well, I think it would. So welcome back, angst! We missed you while you were gone. Sorta.

Markus and I went fishing today. Landed a couple good ones. Cool stuff. I'm very happy to be entering the stage with my boys where we can have more grown-up hangout time. On one hand, it means I have less time left with them, but on the other hand, it means that I have more time with them sharing on this level, and I really dig it.

My mom called from Washington state tonight to say that she had just been looking into the mouth of a volcano. That's pretty cool, as well.

I'm working on my VOX Pathfinder. I thought the speaker was blown, but now I'm thinking that either a) a capacitor is toast, or b) I just really hate the gain on this thing. I hope it's the first one, because I want very badly for it to be awesome.

Tonight I think I'll finish mowing my yard, and then maybe I'll tear apart a friend's mower and shoot it all full of carb cleaner to see if that fixes its problems.

I installed a new doorbell today. Still need to rewire half the house, rototill and level the backyard, paint the garage, fix the upstairs ceilings, paint all our rooms, fix/replace the carpet, clean out the flowerbeds, install new ceiling fans, fix the upstairs fireplace, change the oil in both vehicles, reglaze and paint the windows, get rid of the chipmunks, re-seed the lawn, kill the weeds, clean and reorganize the studio..

Phew! I'm tired now. I think I'll go eat another hot dog.


Wednesday, May 16, 2007

On the Nonessential Appositive, a Part of Speech


Wednesday, May 09, 2007

"What have I done...?" Revisited

Alright all you haters.

Apparently there were enough of you upset by yesterday's post to shift the balance of the universe, because I have been crazy-sick for about the last 10 hours.

Please stop hating me now, because my stomach hurts.

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Tuesday, May 08, 2007

I'm sorry

I would like to apologize.

Partly because this is going to be one more post about where I work, and who I work with, and what I do. And I think we're all starting to get just a little bit tired of that, right?

But moreso just from the standpoint of general guilt. Of feeling bad for feeling so good. This is definitely the kind of thing that I should be keeping to myself, in accordance with my midwestern emotion-rationing ethic.

For those of you not familiar with the M.E.R.E., it's sort of a social version of Prozac (as opposed to, say, a Russian space station). Chopping off all emotive highs and lows, it normalizes reactionary dips and spikes, so that life can be lived in a comfortable, problem-free, radio-friendly bandwidth.

Did you win the lottery? .. you are "pleased with your good fortune." Lose both arms in the PTO? .. you're "going to be alright." Yup. Just head on up to the house, dial 911 by holding a pencil in your mouth, and sit in the tub while you wait for the paramedics, what so you don't bleed on the carpets. It's all good.

And so I apologize, in advance, for saying that... if I believed in Karma, I would be spending all my time right now wracking my brain to try and figure out when I'd saved the life of a blind-orphan-puppy-nun. Because this is just too good.

Today while I was talking to Dave about how things are going over at the old workplace (shock headline: "NOT GOOD"), a parfait arrived, unannounced, at my desk. A blackberry parfait.

I did not ask for this parfait. It popped up the exact same way that the bag of dark chocolate truffles did yesterday. Dropping in from the sky.

Also, I have a fish. (Current Status: "Swimmy!" Current Name: "Skippy Wonderfish")

And, all the while, no one is freaking out at me about the stuff that I should've known but couldn't possibly have because when I tried to talk to them about it they were too busy to deal with the thing that they told me just yesterday was the most important thing in the universe.

No.. I write pithy little commentaries on Amish furniture and how you'll be a better parent if you get your kids signed up for a 401K as soon as possible.. and eat parfaits and feed my fish. (he doesn't like parfaits, so I give him flakes {insert obligatory "flakes" joke here})

Yes, occasionally I have stress because there is a lot of stuff to do, and there are deadlines, and I don't live up to my own standards (what's new?). Here.. let me stop drinking all this Milk and Honey for a moment so that I can properly accept your sympathies.

As I silently weep tiny tears of joy.

So I'm sorry. Very very sorry. And also I'd like to say that this is pretty cool, and I don't really think I deserve it or anything, but it really truly is very neat, and I'm glad for the opportunity to get to try something cool and fun for a while. I'm sure it'll all end in tears, you know, but for the moment, it's ..y'know.. good. And stuff.

We shall never speak of this again.

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Monday, May 07, 2007

Fish update: Day 5

I have had the fish for 5 days now. He doesn't have a permanent name. I decided to name him spontaneously each morning. Or, sometimes, each time I enter the room.

Current fish name: "Sparky"

Fish status: "Not Dead"

Tank status: "Freshly Cleaned"


Saturday, May 05, 2007

I'm goin' to Buggyland

Another week down. Things were definitely smoother this week, as I continue the journey toward Production Writer. I got quite a few things done, plus I got to go to a ground-breaking w/ a bunch of hip people, and I got a fish. (we designed table arrangements, which included fish)

Also, my company is opening a furniture store, called "Simply Amish".

Yes, I know. You are thinking, "A hip advertising/design agency, opening an Amish furniture store? Is that really the normal business plan?" Well, it's certainly not normal, but it's what we're doing. If you want to see the parent company, you can visit them at: http://www.simplyamish.com/

We will be hipping it up a bit. Sort of more of a contemp furniture gallery, rather than a barn store (pun intended). Should be dealing some designer accessories and flooring, as well. All of the furniture is beautiful, and everything is made custom. By guys with beards.

We're looking for a store manager, so if you know someone who rocks, pass me the name, aight? I'll keep you posted.

Here is my fish.

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