A blog whereby I motivate myself, and my readers, to punch me in the mouth.

  "Punchworthy feeds our deepest Freudian wishes!" --Entertainment

  "The consumate rocker's rocker. Charming, personable... a sucking void of inescapable inner turmoil."

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Alternate blog

Or, for those of you who are saying, "No, John! We agree with you about not talking and stuff.. and also we would prefer not to think about anything serious at all.."

I have developed this alternate, more frivolous (and yet truth-packed!) blog entry, dealing with dinosaurs and pan fluting.

Dinosaurs have great poker faces.


You do not need a pan flute.

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Why I'm probably wrong

Brant illustrates why my last post is probably just wrong...

: ]

I'm just sayin'... that's what blogs are for.


Sunday, February 18, 2007

Tired of talking

There was [a small girl] being pushed along in a wheelchair. She seemed very pale, sick and withdrawn, and was murmuring something soundlessly to herself. Whatever it was she was murmuring seemed to cause her worry and aggitation, and she would flop this way then that in her chair as if trying to escape from the words coming out of her mouth. ...[It] worked away endlessly, appearing almost to lead an existence that was independent of the rest of her face. ...[But, looking more closely,] it seemed that she looked not so much sick and withdrawn as weary, harassed, and ununtterably fed up. She needed a little rest, she needed peace, but her mouth kept motoring on.

--Douglas Adams "The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul"

"Tired of talking" could be the alternate title for this blog. Which is kind of funny, if you know me--because I don't ever seem to get tired of it.

I guess "tired of the sound of my own voice" might be a more accurate representation, but then, it rarely appears that I am that, either.

But you know what I'm thinking, right now, about the whole conversation--what sems to be a worldwide conversation--about "the end of church as we know it", and "the emergent church", and "a new way of doing church", and "the new religious revolution", etc ad infinitum?

I am thinking that I am tired of talking about it. And that, perhaps, we should all be tired of talking about it. Maybe even Jesus is tired of us talking about it.

Talk, talk, talk.. words, words, words.. and so the discussion frames the Faith, and the central theme of the discussion is the Institution, and so (how ironically) the Institution defines the Faith. Perhaps time for shuttin' up and doing, no?

Oh, I know.. there are plenty of people who are both doing and talking. I applaud them (not that it should make any difference). But the argument for the continuation of the discussion goes, I think, "We don't want to make our faith about 'church', but if we don't talk about it then we're not doing our bit for The Bride."

Well.. I don't know. Seems like maybe that is, again, pinning the hope of The Church to our own efforts and our dissemination of knowledge to the masses. Is it? Is it even, possibly, that we're not as concerned with all those poor puddin'-headed people out there as we are with affirming ourselves by convincing others that we are right, and that our ideas are new, and novel, and finding our validation in their admiration? (I know, that's kinda dark, but hey.. it's a blog..)

Not that any of this will stop me. I mean.. I just wrote probably 300 words on this topic, all dedicated to the idea that we should stop talking about it. It's what I do.

But when I see things like... entire weekend retreats, complete with "featured speakers" and "breakout sessions" dedicated to the idea of getting together and talking about how different we are, and how we need to make our faith real in the world.. a transforming force..

Sorry folks. That gives me the screaming heebie jeebies. And (no small feat) kinda makes me want to shut up.

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Saturday, February 17, 2007


I actually came up with a new progression! I committed it to tape, so I wouldn't forget.

Now.. Emma is up from her nap, Markus has come unglued and inside, and Deb.. well, I don't think she's on Travelocity quite yet. There are 4.5 more kid-hours in this day, though. I'd better go start buffering. Plus I have more snow to shovel..

(Random thought: Dan-O and I did a nice little duo the other night.. I hear that ByronfromByron needs more creative outlets.. I wonder if I could set up a trio..? I will have to ask the third party--unless you are reading this regularly enough to see that I am saying it, BfB, in which case, feel free to reply.)

Catch you cats later.

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I have shoveled some serious snow today. Not quite done yet, either. I am shoveling it so that people can come to my house and have a place to park.

So darn it, people.. you had better show up at my house! I'm doing this for you!

(I guess that's kind of an open invitation. Anybody what wants to show up for a fire and a beverage and possibly music and conversation, give us a holler.)

Now I should be playing/writing some music, because I can be. For at least a few moments.

The moments right before Emma (who is "napping") brings something crashing down in her room, or the moments before Matthew shovels snow down the back of Markus' neck, or the moments before Deb decides she hates college and is running away and moving into a nunnery in the hills of Sicily.

So here I go.. off to try and find a new chord progression. Good idea for a song in my head. Unfortunately, exact same (distinctive) progression as at least 2 other songs I've written. : [

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Trapped in the Tank: Day 3

Day 3:

I have been working out of the house for 3 days now. After some hard digging yesterday afternoon, I ventured out briefly. For supplies.

1 bottle of Tylenol, 1 bottle of Robitussin. Coffee. A bag full of Valentine's Day chocolates and 1 chinese take-out menu later, I was back at the house.

I find it increasingly more difficult to resist the voices.. calling me to leave my laptop and play guitar..

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Merry Christmas!

I know that it's way past December 25th, but I really had to share this with everybody. Many of you heard the great story about the "Dog-walker Barbie" that we got Emma for Christmas. Well, today, on utube, under the heading "worst barbie commercial ever!!!", I found:


We rest our case. This is the most horrible marketing concept ever. WHO THOUGHT OF THIS!?


Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Trapped in the Tank

Help! Deb and I are trapped in the tank! With the little people!

Little people with fevers. Fevers of all kinds. Cabin fever, viral fever, he-won't-let-me-play-chess-because-he-says-I-don't-know-how-but-
you-can't-be-my-friend-anymore!! fever... even... the fever... for the flavor of a Pringle (tm).

I, personally, also have a fever... and the only prescription is MORE COWBELL!!! {insert Van Halen's "Jamie's Cryin'"}

School's out again tomorrow, which is just as well since our guys are going nowhere, but I don't know if I'll be released from the tank or not. On one hand, I should really go in to the office. On the other hand, I can totally work from home. On another hand(?), if I leave and go in, I will be leaving Deb to try and do her accounting homework trapped in here with 2 sick boys who haven't been out of the house since Monday, and Emma.

Hmm. Sounds like that third hand might belong to Deb.

I will, like the Virgin Mary, consider these things in my heart.

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Monday, February 12, 2007

Guitar once again

I've been poking around on the Vox site again.. and Ebay... I can feel my temperature rising.. : P

Downside, though, folks... lack of funds. (wa-wa-whaa)

I've never accomplished all of the upgrading and switching around that I aluded to back on the really-long-posts-about-guitar-amps-and-tone that I am not going to link here! But I could still use a speaker upgrade, and there is one pedal that I haven't gotten my hands on yet. Also, I think I could stand an electronics upgrade on the 1500 to really smooth it out.

Unfortunately, that's $3-400 worth of stuff, and I have not $3-400.

"But dude, you could sell your vibrochamp and/or your aex500!"

Well, yes.. but the vibrochamp was an integral part of the little thing I just did with Dan.. and it was real nice. So I'm having a hard time with that idea. And, turns out, the 500 is the perfect backup and companion to Big Orange. So what's a fella to do..?


"Dear God.. I am so glad to be so blessed as to have such a stupid problem. And, actually, kinda ashamed that I even entertain it... (but could I still have about $400, free and clear..? you know.. something that you have laying around but aren't planning on feeding the starving children with?)"

Okay! And now I'm going to go meditate and pray and probably beat myself up a little bit. I guess Jesus wouldn't have beaten himself up.. so maybe not that.. but anyway... Phew! I feel a little unfocused. Waffling between "i'm a terrible person" and "if i had those upgrades, i could probably totally cop the guitar sound from Rooney's 'i'm a terrible person'..."

I need sleep. And help.

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Another one bites the dust

Matthew is now among the walking wounded!

Deb had to go pick him up from school today, for a "funny throat" and "looking pale."

And, in more fun news, it looks like we're all going to be trapped in the house during "MAJOR WINTER WEATHER!" for about the next 36 hours.

Poor boys. I hate to see them this way. Why.. it seems like only Saturday that we were all hangin' out, packed into our sweaty little knot of stadium seats, watching the monster trucks and passing around a bottle of Sprite.


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Sunday, February 11, 2007

Sickness, Monster Trucks, & Big Orange Guitars.. oh my!

Friday night, at a silent auction, me and Dan-O laid down some upbeat and jazzy grooves on behalf of WRCC's mission trip to the Dominican.

Well.. okay.. they were not really jazzy.. and only some of them were upbeat. But they were grooves! And I will take you to the mat on that one, Junior!

The funny part was, I was asked to play for this thing months ago, but I only found out about a week before that they wanted "upbeat and jazzy". Which, if you are at all familiar with my repotoire, you get the joke.

Anyway.. so I did the best I could, and just tried to play clean and stick to the americana side of rock. Seemed to work out real nice. There were some very pleasant hecklers sitting at a table in front--I believe they were associated with the percussionist--and even (completely unexpected) clapping after one song, from the otherwise disinterested crowd. ("disinterested" btw, was what I was hoping for. So.. not a bad thing.) It was a good time, and I hope that Dan and I can do a little more pickin' and percussin' at some point in the near future. (although, this was the first time I've played in front of real live people in 3 months, so I guess I'd better tell Dan not to hold his breath!)

THEN, to mix things up, on Saturday (yesterday), Me, Scott, and Josh took our boys to the MONSTER NATIONALS monster truck show at the Assembly Hall! (first time I'd been to the hall--pretty cool)

Our tickets were a Christmas gift from Scott & Lisa, and thank them very much! I'm sad to say that there were no life-flight helicopters nor funnel cakes at our show.. no dirt, even.. but there was a CRAZY-BOY(tm) rocket-powered recliner, some very large and smelly trucks, and some poor little group of bmx freestyle kids that had to lug all their own gear, do all their own (sometimes painfully unsucessful--can you say "off the ramp onto concrete," kids?) stunts, and then load all their own stuff out again! Wooo! We waved our hands in the air.

Matthew had an awesome time. Markus was a little squirrelly.. I was thinking maybe it was all just a little to much for his constitution, but it turned out, he's sick! I know, bummer. I thought it was probably just the fumes, but no, he woke up this morning with a fever. So I'm sitting at home w/ him instead of going to church this morning. I think that's okay, though. I feel like I've already had a pretty spiritual weekend.

Oh, and Stephen made $7 from the slightly inebriated gamblers in front of him. (ask Scott..)


Thursday, February 08, 2007


"It was full of wieners dude"

God rules the schools..

..at eatin' sloppy joes.

This morning I feel hung over.

I think. I lack all of the critical research in this area, but I still feel it's an accurate description.

The inside of my head hurts. And I feel slightly ill. And everyone seems to be yelling.

Even people who are only communicating with me via typing.

This conversation between T-Rex and God helped, though. Who says God no longer speaks!? Who!? Take that!

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Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Does this creep anyone else out?

I was going to post a blog to see if anyone else found the Discover Card ads with all the animated scissors (click on the "have some fun" {???!} link in the top right corner)... to be just_too_creepy...

But when I look up "discover scissors commercial" on google, I find several articles devoted to just that idea. So apparently I am not alone in this feeling.

"...cutesy... the way people feed the squirrels or pigeons in the parks."

Yeah! If you're feeding the squirrels and pigeons.. just you, Stephen King, and Alfred Hitchcock...

Everything has its disadvantages

So true.